Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
