She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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