yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
