no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
