it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
