We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You pole danced in your parka.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
