PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
