I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
