i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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