If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she told me i tasted like america
Actions speak louder than pants.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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