i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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