I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
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You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
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My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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