ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
