hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Also, beer. Big fan.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
