I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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