Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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