I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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