Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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