Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
