So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
