HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
