Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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