I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My balls are so social today.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
