Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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