forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
