You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
