Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
