P.S. I can't hear my feet
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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