Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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