So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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