Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
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I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize