I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
