I like my sex mixed with concussions.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
