Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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