I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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