My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
