Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
