Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize