wanna go halves on a baby?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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