Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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