I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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