I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
