i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
