Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
