Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
