There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
