He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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