I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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