that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
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What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
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So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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