I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
