Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
