Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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