you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
