fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
