one might say we're banned from that church
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
