Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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