Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
