I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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