5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
