i just wanna soil my oats bro
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
