my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
love makes seman taste better
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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