Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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