Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
