Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
