It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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