I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
