i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
