We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i used baking grease as lip gloss
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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