Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
