the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We left an ass print on the piano.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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