He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
