I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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