you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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