Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
