Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Do vagina's smell?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
