i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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