I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
