Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
