Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
