I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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